Reporter: Thanks so much for talking with me. I had trouble finding your bio information, but I did go on IMDB, so I’ve got that, but I still don’t understand what the show is about.
Me: Oh, I can send you a PDF bio.
Reporter: I don’t know if I can open that. (Cat meows.) Did I just hear a kitty cat?
Me: Yes–he’s begging for wet food.
Reporter: He sounds like a baby.
Me: He’s eight.
Reporter: Well, you might hear some loud noises on my end. I prefer to write on a Selectric, but this ribbon is giving me fits. (Loud banging noises.) Okay. Now talk slowly. So is this show about Einstein’s girlfriend or something? Did he have an affair? I don’t mean to make presumptions, but I assume that’s what the show’s about. And you know, we know that…
Me: No, actually. That’s not what the show’s about.
Reporter: Do you know who Bill Nye is? I bet your show is a lot like his show because his show is about science, too.
Me: Yeah, it’s not…
Reporter: So I still don’t understand what the show is about. I mean, did you write it?
Me: Yes. It’s original.
Reporter: Based on what?
Me: I’m sorry?
Reporter: It’s an original story based on what?
Me: Well, based on my own experience. I’d like to get back to the…
Reporter: I’m sorry. Can you slow down? My m key is sticking.
Reporter: Would you say, and I don’t mean to be presumptuous, would you agree that you have a sarcastic sense of humor? I mean, I haven’t seen the show, but I assume that’s what it’s like.
Me: Well, really I don’t really see myself as being sarcastic. I’m wanna be funny, but..
Reporter: So you’re funny? The show is funny?
Me: But not necessarily sarcastic.
Reporter: Oh, no. I just mean I was presuming that. I just need an adjective.
Me: Well, that’s not the one to use.
Reporter: Just, just presuming.
Me: Yeah. Anyway, I got the idea for the show…
Reporter: Do you ever listen to Rush Limbaugh? I know it’s right wing AM radio, but they’ve got this fantastic program about world politics and science, too. I bet you’d like it.
Me: Does it promote his latest book where Rush time travels back to colonial days with his horse to teach kids about the history of America?
Reporter: What? No, I haven’t read that.
Me: It’s getting a lot of interest, not because he has a talking horse or because he can time travel but because he’s telling the “true” history of America.
Me: That was sarcasm.
Reporter: (silence) Next question: Have you ever been to Omaha? ‘Cause it’s more than just a great song from the Counting Crows.
Me: Uh, did you want to know about the show?
Reporter: Absolutely. You would so like Made.
Me: I’m sorry?
Reporter: Made. It’s a vegan restaurant. I read you were a vegetarian.
Me: I thought you only read my IMDB page.
Reporter: Oh, I went to your website, too. You have a lot of videos. Have you ever thought–and I’m just presuming here–that you should, I don’t know, tape the show? I know you’ve only been doing it for a little while, so it’s probably too soon, but I assume you’d want to do it on TV or something.
Me: Actually, I am developing it…
Reporter: Hang on. M key is still sticking. Okay. Tell me why you like doing the show.
Me: (slowly) I like doing. The show. Because. It’s all the parts of me put into one piece.
Reporter: I’m sorry. What did you say after all?
Reporter: You said all.
Me: I did?
Me: Uh. I have no idea.
Reporter: Great. Well, I assume that the show’s really great. I mean, it’s gotta be like Reading Rainbow for science or something. So anyway, great to talk to you.
Me: Uh huh.
Reporter: Oh, and make sure you see Avatar. I know you like science.
Me: Yup. Seen it.
Reporter: Great to meet you. Have a great show.
Me: Thanks. (Hangs up in exhaustion.)