Musings from My Sister: Rent-a-Kids

I like to sleep in. I enjoy leaving sharp objects within reach. When the cat has a hairball, sometimes I let it sit there until it dries. These habits don’t square well with having small children in my home.

This is why I am fortunate to have rent-a-kids. My two young nephews can hang out with me and play, and when they are tired or need a diaper change, I can hand them back to their parents. Even more fortunate, my oldest nephew (nickname Everson Bottombean) is essentially my genetic clone. A three-year-old extrovert, he regularly spends his days alternating between personas which include a Terrible Tarantula, Batman, and Bob the Builder. Like me, he demands an extraordinary amount of attention. He’s quite loud, and he makes his own rules.

His little brother, known here as Elsby Chickenbox, just turned one, and although he’s barely ambulatory, his personality is filling out as well. Once he can speak, we’ll see just how much of my neurosis he inherited.

In this edition of Musings from My Sister, you’ll be treated to texts I’ve gotten about these two little monkeys.

Live long and prosper, Spock Baby!

Had a Japanese lady who wanted me to squirt breastmilk in her eye. How is that for awkward?

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“I put Elsby Chickenbox in his seat, and I was carjacked!”
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“Did you notice that when I stand next to the fan my cape blows in the wind?” – Everson Bottombean
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“Am I a lesbian? Because this is what I made my husband for dinner.”

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